you have a point there but… isn’t haiku about “show don’t tell”? and a reader can (and should) be allowed to create their own images and interpretations… there’s nothing exact in haiku as i see it (but of course i may be wrong as i often am) so what if someone would take “linen” metaphorically… it’s a lovely haiku and it works as it is although i would omit “indoors”
but you are the author and the final say is yours ;)
(i hope my flow of thought – as that’s what it basically is – isn’t too incoherent. after all, english is my second language)
oh, this is lovely. a child absorbed in her activity regardless of the outside world.
just wondering, though… is”indoors” really necessary? i can easily imagine an indoor scene without it…
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//just wondering, though… is”indoors” really necessary?//
That’s a good question.
And I considered that. I thought if I left that off, a reader make think I was speaking metaphorically (describing *real* clouds as linen).
I’m not sure… you think it would still work without it?
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you have a point there but… isn’t haiku about “show don’t tell”? and a reader can (and should) be allowed to create their own images and interpretations… there’s nothing exact in haiku as i see it (but of course i may be wrong as i often am) so what if someone would take “linen” metaphorically… it’s a lovely haiku and it works as it is although i would omit “indoors”
but you are the author and the final say is yours ;)
(i hope my flow of thought – as that’s what it basically is – isn’t too incoherent. after all, english is my second language)
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