29 responses

  1. Thanks for this, with the beautiful print. I’m rather dull today and it prompted me off my ass to type something. Too abstract?

    East of Eden

    Darker
    By the day the fall we fall
    To

    Memory
    For the light of warmer times
    To

    Reverse
    Regret, the would and could have
    Beens

    For real
    Imagination working at its
    Best

    Ah, yeah…

    Like

  2. Actually I’ve no interest in reefer. Beer can be a problem sometimes, unfortunately. How about “(Rebel yell!)” ….

    For real
    Imagination working at its
    Best

    (Rebel yell)

    Like

  3. As a trope for universal resistance–as in “rage, rage against the dying of the light.” If that sounds too angry simple openness might also do, as in:

    For real
    Imagination working at its
    Best

    Jar in Tennessee

    Too literary?

    Like

    • The “rebel yell” is a thing.

      “The rebel yell was a battle cry used by Confederate soldiers during the American Civil War. Confederate soldiers used the yell when charging to intimidate the enemy and boost their own morale, although the yell had many other uses. No audio recordings of the yell exist from the Civil War era, but there are audio clips and film footage of veterans performing the yell many years later at Civil War veterans’ reunions.[1] The origin of the yell is uncertain. ”

      That line ending risks making you sound like a white supremacist. Of the two options already, I would take that to be the worst of them.

      Like

    • Well, after a couple of days (that included several frames of mind) I read it and liked this for a final stanza:

      For real
      Imagination working at its best
      Uh-huh

      Hopefully I haven’t gone from sounding like a pothead to a Confederate rap artist

      Like

    • Thanks. Not my intention here. I’ll see if I can warm it up a bit. May need another stanza. Believe it or not, in the course of teaching every race, nationality, and aptitude the most frequent compliment I’ve received is “you really know how to talk to people.”

      Like

    • Ok. I woke up very inclusive today. So maybe this is an ending both antifa and neo-nazis could go with. I also changed the title from “East of Eden” to “Imagination Working.”

      Imagination Working

      Darker
      By the day the fall we fall
      To

      Memory
      For the light of warmer times
      To

      Reverse
      Regret, the would and could have
      Beens

      For real
      Imagination working at its
      Best

      Community.

      Like

    • The problem, as I see it, is that when you end an entire poem with a single word, then the entire poem is reshaped in the image of that word. In this case, you’ve now made the poem sound like it’s an ad for a retirement community—the Villages perhaps? — or an insurance company?

      Like

    • Ok. So back to the more literary “East of Eden” trope, now with a little help from D. H. Laurence:

      For real
      Imagination working at its
      Best

      Instauration
      Some Eve before the apple lesser
      Hell

      Like

    • Thanks for your patience. Is this getting there?

      For real
      Imagination working at its
      Best

      Both
      A world unfallen and apples safe to
      Eat

      Like

    • Maybe this works as a unit. Anyway, I feel a nice balance of rhythm, sound and concept, and even a little humor. After you comment on this, I’ll let it rest a few days (weeks) before I return to it. Small diamonds take the longest to polish. You may recall “In a Station of the Metro” took Pound 100 drafts. Thanks again.

      East of Eden

      Darker
      By the day the fall we fall
      To

      Memory
      For the light of warmer times
      To

      Reverse
      Regret, the would and could have
      Beens

      For real
      Imagination working at its
      Best

      A
      World unfallen, apples safe to
      Eat

      Like

    • Well, I’ve let this iteration rest five days and it works for me, thanks in no small part to the final stanza you prompted out of me. The haiku stanza setup makes it read somewhat hypnagogically, as if I were sleep writing. Unique, not bad, but not my best either. Nevertheless, may I compare it to Frost’ “Nothing Gold Can Stay”?

      Like

  4. I’ll give it some rest and see what happens. It would be nice to preserve the demotic register but without being mistaken for a pothead. Masturbator, fine. Pothead, no.

    Like

    • I’ve treadmilled this—and several stanza-lone words come to mind, of which “Oh yeah” and “Ah-ha” are two of my favorites, being more true to my process of imaginative discovery and restoration, whatever the quality of the percept.

      For real
      Imagination working at its
      Best

      Ah-ha

      Other possibilities include Amen, Un-huh, Redo, Remake, Beginning, Agreement, Rebirth, New start, Ideal, Make up, Do over, Redux, Restitution

      Also, do you think the word-alone would present better as part of the preceding stanza as in:

      For real
      Imagination working at its best
      Amen.

      Or perhaps:

      For real
      Imagination working at its best
      Restitution

      Thanks

      Like

  5. Hey! What do you think of this?:

    through the blinds, my headache gives way to thunder

    Also, I have to say that I relished your post about Gluck– especially the turn of phrase Gaussian blur (I may start using that one myself). At one point l lost control of myself laughing. Good stuff :).
    And I found this online: https://www.gendaihaiku.com/onishi/index.html . It’s a neat archive of contemporary Japanese haiku and senryu poets talking about various things, plus there is an essay on there about Gendai Haiku. I linked the senryu video because before we had a brief exchange about what senryu was and its relation to haiku, so I thought this may be of interest.
    Best wishes!

    Like

    • Rillie, thanks so much for the link! Maybe this evening I’ll have time to read and listen to some of it. Well, Glück — One reads such words! One can one say?

      I may have mentioned this already, but if you haven’t picked up this book, The Penguin Book of Haiku, you really should. It has the best introduction to haiku that I’ve ever read (pointing out that the “haiku” as we understand it in the west was only invented by Shiki at the start of the 20th century) and includes all the many haiku/senryu that the Japanese might rather sweep under the rug.

      And as always, I’m impressed by your feel for haiku.

      Like

    • I will definitely check it out! But I should wait a few days since because I ordered a book a couple of days ago and if I order another one so soon, I’ll feel like a tsundoku. (I hope this HTML stuff works)

      Like

    • and thank you for your feedback! You know something curious: I think the only time I don’t have impostor syndrome is when I’m writing. In every other part of my life when I am trying to produce something of worth, a seed of anxiety is always burried in my stomach. OK I’m done with the diary-post now.

      Like

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