7 responses

  1. This one really worked for—the impression impresses the more I read it. Then after reading it about 15 times this happened:

    Practicality

    Fall
    To frost, a grizzly
    Orange

    Wood
    To chop if not to
    Freeze

    Like

  2. It occurred to me the orange needed the pumpkin (concrete) so I added a couple of stanzas to round it out and lighten up on the existentialism.

    Practicality

    Fall
    To frost, a grizzly
    Orange

    Wood
    To chop if not to
    Freeze

    Pumpkin
    Asks the sun for
    Shave

    Sun
    Says maybe, wait till
    Spring.

    Like

    • Not sure whether to call them “stanzas” or “haiku”. Since the whole seems to be interrelated, I’ll call them stanzas. The first is hard to interpret. The second makes it sound like you’re going to freeze the wood after you chop it. The last two strike me as a bit too ham-handed in their humor?

      Like

  3. Thanks. Is this any better?

    Practicality

    Fall
    To frost, a grizzly
    Orange

    Pumpkin
    Smiles a candle
    Light

    Wood
    To chop, enough to
    Live

    A crow
    Ascends the cold
    Moonlight.

    Or perhaps:

    A crow
    Roost on a moonlit
    Branch

    Like

    • The first stanza is still awkward. The third stanza is flat compared to the others. I like “A crow/Ascends”. The imagery seems more expansive than “A crow/Roost”.

      Like

  4. Thanks. I’ll give it some rest and see what happens. I was using a chainsaw today that took thirty minutes to start every time it turned off. Quite a workout. Hopefully I can make it through the VP debate tonight. In the meantime…

    Practicality

    Fall
    To frost, a grizzly
    Land

    Pumpkin
    Grins a candle
    Light

    Heat
    Survive I beg my
    Heart

    A crow
    Ascends the cold
    Moonlight.

    Like

  5. Ok. I’ve given the above total exhaustion, two glasses of wine, a good VP debate, and with minor modifications it seems to hold up to the impression your original, wonderful haiku made on me. More rest needed?

    Practicality

    Fall
    To frost the grizzly
    Land

    Pumpkin
    Grins a candle
    Light

    Heat
    Survive I beg my
    Heart

    Crow
    Ascends the cold
    Moonlight.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: