5 responses

  1. Does this work beyond truism? It’s incidental to a longer poem. Thanks.

    The coma of a stretching tree
    Strives down as up for life
    Root to earth and branch to sky
    Contain the contradiction.

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    • The first two lines are brilliant. Worthy of T.S. Eliot. The third line makes concrete the abstraction of the second line. Again, nicely done. The fourth is off. As it is, it feels tacked on. The idea of the tree containing, within itself, contradiction (in a poetic sense) is an interesting one. The lack of punctuation detracts from the whole.

      The coma of a stretching tree
      Strives down as up for life—
      Root to earth and branch to sky.

      That’s your sentence. I know you were probably thinking of it as two discrete couplets.

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  2. Thanks. Yes, that last line detracts and distracts. But nice too have at least two lines worthy of Eliot. My quality control varies drastically between poems and within poems. But every so often—Bingo! Does this last line sound any better despite the questionable grammar?

    The coma of a stretching tree
    Strives down as up for life
    Root to earth and branch to sky
    Like us for signs of heaven.

    Like

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