July 8th 2017

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lovers
····in wildflowers—waking in a field
········of fireflies
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Mechanical Sky (Block Print)
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Winter and summer are hard seasons for the poet writing every day—or at least for me. There’s always change in spring and autumn, but midsummer and midwinter days are each like each other. I struggle to ground my haiku in the seasons—and struggle to write something different each day.
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189 July 8th 2017 | bottlecap
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5 responses

  1. Thanks for this post. I tapped this out immediately after reading it.

    Tobacco Road

    Tobacco
    Girl with curls avails a
    Break

    Curing
    Barn is where she goes to
    Rest

    Dream
    Of being old enough to
    Smoke

    Tobacco
    Boy with Camels sees his
    Chance

    They
    Share a toke of nicotine and
    Kiss

    Mule
    Returned with wagon ends the
    bliss

    Weary
    Work is hours until
    End

    But
    Hands seem more purposed than
    Before

  2. made a few adjustments a couple hours later. Maybe this works better.

    Tobacco Road

    Tobacco
    Girl with curls avails a
    Break

    Curing
    Barn is where she goes to
    Rest

    Dreams
    Of being old enough to
    Smoke

    Tobacco
    Boy with Camels sees his
    Chance

    Plies
    A toke of nicotine a
    Kiss

    Mule
    Returns with wagon ends the
    bliss

    Weary
    Work is hours until
    End

    Yet
    Hands seem more to purpose than
    Before

    • That’s cute. I kind of like it. The only observation I’d make is that it flirts too much with pigeon English — always a risk when writing haiku. If there’s a way to restore some of the grammatical connectives, I’d probably recommend it. I’m flattered that you’re imitating my style though. =)

  3. Thanks, yes I woke up liking the first, more transitioned version better. One thing I note is that you write with more conservation of mood whereas I might go from this “cute poem” today to something like “Epistle to a Serial Murderer” tomorrow,” which together in one chapbook might confuse the reader. How would you deal with that—perhaps by a reassuring academic commentary throughout that sets up each poem? While my academic voice lacks the peaks and valleys of beauty it’s probably my most consistently “logical”—kinda like a Charles Krauthammer column in that respect.

    • Every now and then you find poets annotating their own works. It’s one of those acts of self-conceit that’s nothing less than a glorious and desperate cry for attention. In your case though, perhaps there’s some justification, comparable to seat-belts to avoid whiplash. You should probably discuss the matter with your attorney and agent.

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