3 responses

  1. an excellent justaposition…

    my dead currawong ku seems to have left everyone cold… cant ever imagine why… ;) shame really because between you and I, its one of my all time favourites…

    I had thought long and hard about the use of ‘unnatural sky’. – for the reason you mention… but for me, it means the reflection of the sky in the water but with a somewhat surreal and sinister feel to it – and something that wont be apparent until the image that follows… a dead bird moving in the wrong kind of sky… for that reason it didnt seem like telling, and kind of pushed the bounds of the genre… but all that could have been too obscure, in which case it did slightly undershoot its mark

    anyway, Im looking forward to your discussion on where you think modern haiku is heading, if anywhere


  2. Don’t you hate that? That happens to me sometimes. I’ve had very clear ideas and intentions, but somehow fail to communicate them.

    Actually, in concept, I also think it’s one of your best.

    The trouble is implying all this:

    “it means the reflection of the sky in the water but with a somewhat surreal and sinister feel to it”

    In two or three words.

    But also, my feeling is that the haiku historically and typically avoids ascribing motive to nature. This sort of “Western” ascription runs *very* counter to Zen and Buddhist thought. In other words, they never would have written that nature had a “sinister feeling”, though a reader might draw that conclusion. In other words, in the poetic universe of the haiku, there was nothing in nature that was unnatural.

    This is part of the reason I want to read up on modern haiku. Has this aspect of haiku been thrown overboard? My thinking is that it hasn’t. I can’t imagine what haiku would be without some small flavor of Zen, Taoism and Buddhism.

    Don’t give up on your haiku though.


  3. Got my compter back. Happy days.

    I didnt see the second image when I was working off my tiny computer. I like the second image more because its ‘Patricky’.

    And I appreciate your comments – and trying your hand at the same idea. Dont think I could give up haiku even if I tried. You? The desire to achieve that small flavour of Zen, Taoism and Buddhism is so few words is all too great.


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